Do-overs

When I was a puppy I played Hop Scotch with many other puppies. When any of us screwed up we got a "do-over". Do humans get do-overs? Richard needs a couple.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

No study this week

Richard and I are enjoying our study with Matt, one of Jehovah's witnesses. Unfortunately, Matt only gives us a 20 minute heads up before he wants to stop by, so Richard and I had to cancel this week. Richard explained to Matt that we need to set a day and time (preferably when Uncle Joe is not here) for the study and keep to that schedule.

The last time Matt was here he complimented Richard on Richards's humility, to which Richard replied "I'm very proud of my humility". Richard can be a real a-hole at times.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

Sniff, sniff, they forgot

On January 17 I turned 4 years old. Neither Richard nor Uncle Joe wished me a "Happy Birthday". Although I hoped for a Sony KDL-52XBR6 BRAVIA XBR LCD flat panel HDTV featuring 120Hz technology, 1080p resolution, and 50000:1 dynamic contrast ratio with.1920 x 1080p resolution, I would have settled for a simple card, a tummy rub, and a bag of Beggin' Strips.

Oh well, I guess I'm just a dog.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

I have been banned

My poor attempt at humor (the tanning salon) has forced Richard to suspend my posting privileges for 12 hours.

Talk to you soon, and always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

Richard and I recieved a great offer today

A friend of Richard's from Rancho Mirage, California wants to loan Richard and I the money to open a tanning salon up here in Ocean Shores, Washington. Richard and I know nothing about tanning. Richard, being mostly Irish, just tries to stay flesh-tone during the summer months and not turn blue. When I'm in a tanning bed I smell like burning fur. Well, it is burning fur.

So we need some help. Can anyone point us to a business model, and ideally, a business plan for a tanning salon? Richard and I understand the concept of "saloons that are teeming", but not "salons that are tanning".

Richard and I need some income soon.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

Skate Boarding vs. Water Boarding

A few posts back I mentioned skate boarding. Sadly, today I had to resort to "water boarding" to find out from Richard why Kristen dumped him. Richard did not divulge an anecdote nor any facts.

Next step is jumper cables attached to Richard's testicles.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

Richard, Uncle Joe, and a couple of cats have taken up skate boarding

I am not worried about Uncle Joe--he is young and spry. But I do worry about Richard who gets injured just sleeping ("Oh my back, I must have slept wrong.") .

Please excuse my punctuation. I tend not to employ commas because I do not have opposable thumbs.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

No free food, at least not today

This morming Richard called our local food bank. A sweet woman explained to Richard that to qualify for the free food one must have:

- a picture ID proving one lives in Ocean Shores, or at least in Washington state

-a piece of mail addressed to said person. Richard has a piece of mail addressed to him, that is how he got his library card

Never the less, Richard and I went to the food bank. We brought food:

-tuna fish
-chicken breast
-sandwich spread
-a big honking bag of Purina Dog Chow. The woman he spoke with told Richard that many contributors forget the pets. We also dropped off a pack of Purina bacon-flavored Beggin' Strips.

Uncle Joe, unbeknown to him, made a great contribution today.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

Going to the Food Bank

Richard and I are going to the Ocean Shores Food Bank tomorrow. The food bank is open every other Thursday, so Richard and I are hoping that tomorrow is that "every other Thursday".

In particular, Richard and I are seeking out Chef Boyardee products. Among them are:

-Beefaroni
-Beef Ravioli
-Cheese Ravioli
-Dinosaurs with Mini Meatballs

With luck, we will also score breakfast cereal.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

Kites

Kite flying is a popular pastime here in Ocean Shores. Richard managed to panhandle enough money to buy us a kite. We had big wind gusts today. Richard and I para-sailed across Grays Harbor into Aberdeen. Richard called Uncle Joe on Richards's cell phone. Uncle Joe brought us home safely. No more kiting for a while.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

A teary-eyed day today

Even though Richard and I are registered Republicans (Richard was for Ron Paul and I was a Mitt Romney mutt), we were glued to the TV for this historic inauguration. We even enjoyed the President's speech, especially the line "We say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you." Was that a veiled threat to Osama bin Laden?

Then, tonight, Richard and I watched the President and the First Lady attend several balls and we watched the President and First Lady dance. Very sweet.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

How did Kristen end up with a deadbeat named Richard?

For that matter, how did Uncle Joe end up with a deadbeat named Richard? Don't get me wrong, I love Richard , but I am just a mutt with low expectations--just need pee and poop walks a couple of times a day. Richard takes good care of me in that regard.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

Uncle Joe must adopt...

another cat, because:

If Uncle Joe has half of the of cats in is room, and we (Richard and I ) have half of the cats up in the loft, we are missing 2 halves of a cat.

Puzzler: how many cats do we have? Hints :

-We have less than 10, but more than 3

-Ralph and George are litter-mates

-Rosie sleeps with us

-Arnold won't give us (Richard and me) the time of day

-But Patricia is warming up tp us

-I know that cats have 9 lives, but I hope we never have 9 cats

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

Is there a romance brewing?

Jodie, with her 2 dogs, stopped by today. Richard, just getting over the flu and still with some sniffles could not join Jodie and her puppies at the beach. Richard and Jodie enjoy gabbing on Uncle Joes's front porch.

Richard learned from Max, Jodie's across the street neighbor , that Jodie is a a "big power over-seas investor". Richard asked Jodie about this. Jodie said she is not "high powered", but she does manage a group of people that make the over-seas trades.

Richard loves his Kristen dearly, so probably no new romance.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

Is it bowel "movement", or bowel "moment" ?

I haven't pooped for the past couple of days. Last night I swore off eating cat food. Voila, I pooped twice today. Purina One dog food doesn't make you want to go, it just makes it easier to go.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

Our 2nd Bible Study

We had our second bible study today with 2 of of Jehovah's witnesses. Neither Richard nor I understood a damn thing they were talking about, but neither Richard nor I are the sharpest knives in the drawer.

The 2 guys are very sweet, and Richard and I enjoy the study. Uncle Joe bailed on the excuse he had to run to the post office. That was 3 hours ago and the PO is about 10 minutes from here.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

What the heck

Richard claims he has no future, nor is planning for the future, and that I am his best friend. Lucky me. I'm hoping that Jodie and her mom are coming down from Seattle for the weekend so I can romp in Jodie's backyard with her 2 dogs. She has the prettiest house on Falls of Clyde Loop SE. Well, next to Uncle Joe's.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

The Joy of Micrcowave Cooking

Every day Richard and I are discovering what a great appliance a microwave oven is. Today, for lunch, we had a broccoli and chicken Hot Pocket. Tonight we will have a Banquet beef pot pie. Are there mico-wavable mashed potatoes? If there are we may never use the stove or oven ever again.

Bon Appetit!

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

You may call me Sweetheart, or Sweetie, but...

do not call me "Sweetie Sweetheart" as Richard does on our walks. I hear our neighbors chuckle and I get a bit embarrassed.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

Fnally a sunny day

We had rain for the past 7 days. Today was sunny and warm. As I said before, Richard and I are trying to think out a "Plan B".

Uncle John Mulroy called Richard today and really lifted Richards''s spirits.

Who had ever thunk it that Richard and I would end up like this?

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

Richard and I need to take the next step

Uncle Joe has been sweet and wonderful. Unfortunately, Richard and I have fallen and can't get up. Is there a Life-Alert for drunks and mangy, flea bitten mutts?

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

Life is a ditch

Yesterday Richard managed to land our 1996 Toyota Rav 4 in the ditch in front of Uncle Joe's house. Richard and I were doing a simple McDonald's s run.

Triple A came by today and yanked us of out of the ditch.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

The marriage might be over

Richard and Kristen talked this morning. Cold but cordial. I really wanted to meet Kristen because she sounds like a sweet and wonderful person and also was Richard's best friend. I have a feeling that the meeting ain't going to happen. Oh well, life is a box of chocolates-you get what you get.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

Our first bible study

Yesterday Richard I had our first study with Walt and Matt, 2 of Jehovah's witnesses. We are using a little book titled "What Does The Bible Really Teach?"

We started the study with a very sweet prayer, then each of us took turns reading from the above book. We ended the study with another sweet prayer. Matt invited Richard to a service on Sunday, but Richard explained to Matt that Sunday morning is Richard's news show day.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

A trial member of the ROSC

Ralph, with the recommendation of Rosie, is now a trial member of Richard's Overnight Sleeping Club. As Sergeant at Arms I explained to Ralph that we have 3 rules:

-No peeing in bed

-No puking in bed

-No sleeping on any part of Richard's body

If Ralph can abide by these rules for 90 days he will become a member in good standing.

Tonight was chop suey night. Richard ordered pork chop suey from the Lucky Dragon (very Detroit style). Unfortunately Uncle Joe mistook hot mustard for soy sauce. Smoke was coming out of Uncle Joe's ears. Richard and I contained our laughter.

By the way, Ralph is a cat.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

Off the leash is better than quiche

Today, Richard and I joined Jodie, her mother, and Jodie's 2 dogs at the end of Taurus Blvd. This a beach where dogs are allowed to run leashless, but not topless. I had a blast and found out that I am an alpha-dog.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

2009 Resolutions

No more licking my genitalia in front of Richard

No more barking at dogs and other strangers

I will poop and pee within 20 minutes of Richard's and mine first out in the morning

I will not eat cat food

I will not chase cats throughout the house

I will be a loving and kind puppy dog

Akways stay sweet,

Sweetheart

Fruit flies almost as fast as time does

Uncle Joe is blaming the infestation of "fruit flies" on Richard. Richard googled "fruit flies" and learned that the little beasts tend to congreegrate around fermented fruits and vegetables. The only thing fermented around Richard is his liver.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

No more expletives

Richard must no longer say GD or the "F" word. I will quit calling Richard a "shit head". Sounds like a great new year.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

Mattress sizes

Last night Richard tried to explain to me mattress sizes:

• Twin--68 x 86 inches (or 173 x 218 cm)
• Full/Queen--86 x 86 inches (or 218 x 218 cm)
• King/California King--100 x 90 inches (or 254 x 229 cm)

All I know is we need an "Ark" size because when we wake up in the morning we have 2 of everything in our bed in the attic, oops, the "loft": cats, raccoons, crows, and all sorts of animals. Richard is starting to sleep in an "S" shape, which is not good for his spine,

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart

It was not a heart attack

Richard awoke this morning at 6:45 am with severe chest pains. He thought he was having a heart attack and I was prepared to dial 911, except phones (both cell and land line) tend to get lost in our house.

Turns out it was just a certain calico cat (whose identity shall remain anonymous, well, it was Rosie) that leapt ( leaped?) on Richard's chest.

Always stay sweet,

Sweetheart